What is that thing everybody is looking for? Where can we find „perfection“?
The answer is pretty simple: No one has ever found it. And nobody will ever find it. Perfection is an illusion.
I myself fell victim to the society‘s misunderstanding that there actually is a „perfect“.
I thought I had to lose a ton of weight in order to live up to that standard.
Now, imagine you were on the search for the most beautiful spot in the city. You don’t stop looking for it since everybody tells you that it does exist. But still, you can’t find it.
As perfectionists we‘ll never find our destination because we‘ll always find something to criticize about our work.
My grandpa always said: „Larissa is such a perfectionist, one day she‘ll be a big thing!“ Well, first of all Opa, I’m not much taller than the average 13-year olds these days- and second of all, your argument about perfectionism doesn’t make any sense.
Don‘t get me wrong, I love my Opa. And it was cute of him (even tho it kind of put some pressure on me lols) to call me a perfectionist because for him that‘s something very positive he associates with me achieving what I‘ve put my mind to.
For reaching our goals, we have to define them first, though. Well, here comes the problem:
How can we define „perfect“?
Everyone has their own definition of „perfect“. That in turn, makes it impossible to reach that very goal because you’ll never live up to everyone’s expectations. There is no actual „perfect“- we can‘t define something that does not exist.
But how do you feel when you never reach your goals?
This one’s obvious: Frustrated. Depressed. The famous „I-never-want-to-leave-my-house-again“-feeling. And when the feeling of shame and failure is gone, you aim for trying even harder the next time – even though you’ve already given your all this time! The vicious circle is closing.
And our rewarding system in our brain has nothing to do.
CONGRATULATIONS! You´ve created the ultimate source of unhappiness by wanting to live up to your OWN and others silly expectations!!
“Wow, Larissa, don´t be so harsh!” you might think. But first of all: I´m being honest. And second of all: I´ve been there myself.
Your perfectionism is killing you.
We are creatures of evolution. Us wanting to be perfect stops us from one of our core needs: Progress. The people you see complaining are those who are stuck in life, who don´t see themselves moving forward- hence the unhappiness.
- Perfectionism prevents you from reaching your goals.
- Perfectionism kills your creativity
- Perfectionism kills your progress.
- Perfectionism kills your happiness.
- With preventing you from being happy, it´s preventing you to be your true self.
- Perfectionism is stupid.
Seriously, I mean it. Stop bullshitting yourself into thinking that perfectionism is something achievable. I know where it lead me. Believe me, you DON´T want to find out how hot the fires in hell actually are.
Imagine we lived in a perfect world: Where the trains are always in time, the sun is always shining, everyone loves one another and climate change is not even a thing – what you just read was MY definition of a perfect world. But what about the other 7 Billion people in this world. How would their definition of “perfect” look like?
I´d rather not know.
Instead, we must start accepting that NOTHING in this world lives up to our definition of “perfect”! Not me, not you, not the flowers in the garden, the picture on the wall or your freaking math homework; NO -THING! (If you have a dog tho, well, that´s an argument we can talk about)
I hope I could make you doubt the effictiveness of your perfectionist behaviour. Unfortunately, there is no step-by-step recipe for how to overcome those habits…
What I did tho, was to make myself aware of my destructive thinking whenever it popped up.
- I would immediatly stop at what I was doing.
- I tried to find a definition for the goal I was working towards – remember that we can´t find a clear definition for “perfection”; it´s not achievable and even less worth the try to achieve it !!!
- When I reached the goal I had set before, I forced myself to accept that I had finished (I told my mum about it and she would take the stick with the presentation for school from me)
- Ask somebody to help and remind you overcoming your perfecttionist patterns.
- I rewarded myself !! (food ;), relaxing, a gift to myself)
At first, it was hard to let go. But after a while, when I realized how much happier and fulfilled I had become (and that I was actually making progress in areas in my life in which I had been stuck for several months) I made starting to care a little less a habit.
My next blogpost on sunday will be about why caring less is the ultimate goal!
–> STAY TUNED 😉
„Don‘t try to be perfect in an imperfect world.“
*Be a badass!*
Lots of Love from Paris